There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all the sudden this great big guy comes in and -WHACK!!- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ,: but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again and all the sudden -WHACK- the big guys knocks him down
AGAIN
and says "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this.... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.
The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and -BONG!!!- bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

A pretty woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farm house and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him,
"oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "You can stay here, but I don't want you messing with my boys Jed and Luke.
She looks through the screen door and see's two young men standing behind their father.
She judges them in their twenties. "Okay," she says.
After they had gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two boys in the next room to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says
"Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh"
she says "The only thing is, I don't want you to get me pregnant, so you have to wear condoms." She put them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch; rocking back and forth.
Jeb says, "Luke"
Luke says, "yeah"
Jed says, "Remember that woman that come by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah" says Luke, "I remember"
"Well do you care if she gets pregnant??" asks Jed.
"Nope" says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Jed, "Lets tack these things off."

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file a divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those divorces."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yeah sir, I got a suit. I where it to church on Sunday's"
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, dose your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30am."
Finally the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well I can't ever have a meaningful conversation with her."

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